One of the things I hate about going to a boarding school is the fact that I don’t get my privacy.
I can’t talk about private stuff on the phone because there’s probably another person in the room and well, some conversations are just too private/weird to be had aloud. And so I have to resort to having personal conversations while standing outside my room with mosquitoes sucking on my blood.
I can’t cry when I’m having a bad day because then I will have to answer questions. Even if there are no questions asked, it’s still not nice crying knowing that you’re not alone.
I cant reflect on my day because sometimes when I zone out and reflect, I give the impression that there’s something terribly wrong with me.
So you see, without my therapy I’ll go crazy one day.
I have this friend here who jogs as her therapy. My therapy is to shower.
That explains why sometimes I’ll shower like five times a day, and I’ll also have midnight showers. It’s the only way I’ll survive my two years in boarding school.
Everytime I am on instant messaging and tell people “brb, shower”, they’ll go all crazy and start the whole, “Why are u showering so late? Its not good for u okay!”.
In the midst of my midnight pillow talk sessions with the girlfriends, I’ll abruptly get up to shower only to be threatened, “Kei, if you shower now, you’re not allowed to come back in.”
But I really love my shower sessions. I love how in the shower it’s just me and the cold water. I love how nobody can knock on the door to ask me for something, and I love how I’m in total control of how long the shower will last.
In a totally perverse way, I love the fact that in the shower I’m the dictator, and I control the steps to shower and the flow of everything inside the shower.
I love how I can do my reflecting without having to explain why I’m so quiet, and I love how I can cry without getting all self-conscious. I love how there is no telephone while I am showering, so I am not pressed to reply a text or to return a call. I also love how good it smells while I’m showering.
Showering is not just sprinkling yourself with water and trying to get out as soon as possible. It’s about self reflection, about childish giggles when you think of that text your crush just sent you. It’s how you’re in total control of what’s happening for that mere 15 minutes; it’s about being optimistic that maybe you are in total control of your life.
And that is why I shower at least five times a day when I’m in my boarding school.